Oooh these past few days have been interesting!! The roller coaster of emotions continues to take me on its tumultuous ride as difficult aspects of my personality keep coming to the surface. This week I've been faced with situations that have consistently pushed my tolerance, acceptance, patience and compassion buttons - and pushed them hard. And the ironic thing is...I know these are the aspects of my personality that need the most work. I need to become responsible for myself in ways I have not been before - and learn to treat everything around me with acceptance and neutrality. I guess half the battle is realizing what you need to fix - now what I need to do is actualize the new thought processes that will help me to move beyond these issues.
The lessons came in the form of more difficult Amma devotees behaving in a less-than evolved ways towards me, which allowed me to (with a LOT of effort) put my rusty, creaky and slow to start compassion and tolerance engines into action. This was not easy, but it was the first step in making a change - and the first step is always the hardest to take. The second lesson came in the form of rushing to Amma's hospital to help out after the nurses walked out on a strike.
Apparently there were some disagreements and issues over low pay and the strike action was initiated by the communist sections of society (who, I'm told, do not like Amma). There was even a rumour that doctors from the other hospitals encouraged the student nurses at Amma's hospital to strike because their hospitals were choosing to go to Amma's hospital - which offers cheaper and better medical service. Anyhow, the how & why of the strike still isn't 100% clear - but the fact remains that the hospital was left without any nurses. I saw an urgent notice asking ashram residents to offer to go to the hospital to help out, so without a second thought I signed myself up.
After a 4 hour bus ride, we entered the town of Kochin, where the hospital is based. As we pulled into the gates of the hospital we were told to close the windows of the bus & turn off the inside lights as the strikers may throw stones at us. Wonderful. We stepped off the bus as inconspicuously as possible & as we walked to the hospital side entrance we saw the strikers yelling & chanting over at the main entrance. It was a pretty threatening sight to behold, but thankfully no violence occurred & we managed to enter the hospital safely. As we signed in, we were told that we were to work 12 hour shifts & that during our shifts we were to simply sit & be present & not move from the ward unless a nurse came to ask us for assistance. Our food was even to be brought to us. To cut a long story short, I ended up sitting in a small staff room in a plastic chair in Intensive Care for about 5 hours, and then ended up sleeping in an empty ward on a hospital bed. It was one of the strangest experiences of my life.
Needless to say, it was an experience that left me ruffled for a good couple of days - and I battled with my good buddies Acceptance, Tolerance & Compassion constantly over these days. I felt angry & confused - my faith started to wane, I stopped meditating & I had no interest at all in going to sit in the hall to meditate with Amma. I felt like an angry teenager who was rebelling against her parents. I did not want to conform to ashram life or anything that it had to offer and that was that. Hmm. Interesting. After spending much time contemplating (rather moodily I hasten to add) my experiences at the hospital, I finally sat down with myself and started meditating. I felt drawn to talk to one of the Swamis about my experiences - so that's what I did - and my word, did it change everything!
She explained things to me in ways that resonated so deeply with me that all the anger, frustration & intolerance I had been feeling melted away as the light of comprehension came flooding in. It feels so good to be out the other end of this little (wait...large!) lesson - and to once again have a smile on my face. Not only do I have a smile on my face, but I feel so alive and so in love with the world. Colours seem more vibrant, sensations more sensational - and people & situations so much more tolerable.
I've also spent the last couple of days on an Ayurveda course, developing an understanding of this ancient and deeply wise medical practice. It has helped me appreciate much more profoundly the spirituality of India - and the wisdom it has to offer. It's a fascinating science - one that treats the root of the problem rather than the symptoms - and it really heals.
I'll be checking out of the ashram slightly earlier than expected. I've managed to get myself a DJ gig near Mumbai on 24th Dec (yeays!), so I'll be leaving the ashram around 22nd to head north. I'll then be winging it over to Goa to spend Christmas and New Year's with some friends. I'm really looking forward to the gig - and to getting some party time in after this rather intense time of introspection and growth. I have another 10 days to go here...so there's still plenty of time for more fun and frolics on the Spirituality Express...I'll be certain to keep you all posted :)
I've also managed to upload some photos for you...hopefully you'll be able to check them out here:
http://www.dropbox.com/gallery/41172975/1/India?h=e842b4
Sending you all masses of love.
L xxx
The lessons came in the form of more difficult Amma devotees behaving in a less-than evolved ways towards me, which allowed me to (with a LOT of effort) put my rusty, creaky and slow to start compassion and tolerance engines into action. This was not easy, but it was the first step in making a change - and the first step is always the hardest to take. The second lesson came in the form of rushing to Amma's hospital to help out after the nurses walked out on a strike.
Apparently there were some disagreements and issues over low pay and the strike action was initiated by the communist sections of society (who, I'm told, do not like Amma). There was even a rumour that doctors from the other hospitals encouraged the student nurses at Amma's hospital to strike because their hospitals were choosing to go to Amma's hospital - which offers cheaper and better medical service. Anyhow, the how & why of the strike still isn't 100% clear - but the fact remains that the hospital was left without any nurses. I saw an urgent notice asking ashram residents to offer to go to the hospital to help out, so without a second thought I signed myself up.
After a 4 hour bus ride, we entered the town of Kochin, where the hospital is based. As we pulled into the gates of the hospital we were told to close the windows of the bus & turn off the inside lights as the strikers may throw stones at us. Wonderful. We stepped off the bus as inconspicuously as possible & as we walked to the hospital side entrance we saw the strikers yelling & chanting over at the main entrance. It was a pretty threatening sight to behold, but thankfully no violence occurred & we managed to enter the hospital safely. As we signed in, we were told that we were to work 12 hour shifts & that during our shifts we were to simply sit & be present & not move from the ward unless a nurse came to ask us for assistance. Our food was even to be brought to us. To cut a long story short, I ended up sitting in a small staff room in a plastic chair in Intensive Care for about 5 hours, and then ended up sleeping in an empty ward on a hospital bed. It was one of the strangest experiences of my life.
Needless to say, it was an experience that left me ruffled for a good couple of days - and I battled with my good buddies Acceptance, Tolerance & Compassion constantly over these days. I felt angry & confused - my faith started to wane, I stopped meditating & I had no interest at all in going to sit in the hall to meditate with Amma. I felt like an angry teenager who was rebelling against her parents. I did not want to conform to ashram life or anything that it had to offer and that was that. Hmm. Interesting. After spending much time contemplating (rather moodily I hasten to add) my experiences at the hospital, I finally sat down with myself and started meditating. I felt drawn to talk to one of the Swamis about my experiences - so that's what I did - and my word, did it change everything!
She explained things to me in ways that resonated so deeply with me that all the anger, frustration & intolerance I had been feeling melted away as the light of comprehension came flooding in. It feels so good to be out the other end of this little (wait...large!) lesson - and to once again have a smile on my face. Not only do I have a smile on my face, but I feel so alive and so in love with the world. Colours seem more vibrant, sensations more sensational - and people & situations so much more tolerable.
I've also spent the last couple of days on an Ayurveda course, developing an understanding of this ancient and deeply wise medical practice. It has helped me appreciate much more profoundly the spirituality of India - and the wisdom it has to offer. It's a fascinating science - one that treats the root of the problem rather than the symptoms - and it really heals.
I'll be checking out of the ashram slightly earlier than expected. I've managed to get myself a DJ gig near Mumbai on 24th Dec (yeays!), so I'll be leaving the ashram around 22nd to head north. I'll then be winging it over to Goa to spend Christmas and New Year's with some friends. I'm really looking forward to the gig - and to getting some party time in after this rather intense time of introspection and growth. I have another 10 days to go here...so there's still plenty of time for more fun and frolics on the Spirituality Express...I'll be certain to keep you all posted :)
I've also managed to upload some photos for you...hopefully you'll be able to check them out here:
http://www.dropbox.com/gallery/41172975/1/India?h=e842b4
Sending you all masses of love.
L xxx
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