Liz Cirelli: Jungles, Temples, Beaches...and of Course...Healings!

Reflection, consolidation, processing. My return to Lake Atitlan were definitely all about recalibrating after the massive shifts that I've been experiencing on this epic journey so far. Deciding to continue travelling with Don Manuel's group from the pilgrimage was definitely the right choice - around 20 people decided to continue travelling on to the lake after the pilgrimage ended. Not only has it been truly an honour to be able to make deeper connections with the lovely people from the pilgrimage, but the healing Lucy & I have experienced as part of the package of travelling with such a spiritually focussed group has been truly profound.

After thinking I'd had more than my fill of ceremonies on the pilgrimage, I've now found my love of the ceremony rekindled. The day after we returned to the lake, we all took part in a Mayan ceremony hosted by two Mayan elders: Tata Pedro & the great story teller, Shuni. The ceremony was focussed on paying homage to the Mayan signs – similar to the signs of the zodiac, but much, much more in depth. Each sign has a specific day – what you should be undertaking on certain days would directly depend upon which sign the day was ruled by. My Mayan sign is Batz – or the Monkey...a sign that brings music, art, creativity and the joy of the dance into the world, but who comes with an ego that if left untamed, will eventually lead them to ruin. I think that's a pretty accurate description of yours truly if you ask me! Like the Mayan calendars, the signs are also compiled with mind-boggling accuracy, and the Mayan people of Guatemala pay great heed to the system of their signs.

On the evening of the full moon, Tata Pedro set up a sweat lodge at his house for us all to take part in. Being the first sweat lodge I had ever taken part in, It was a tremendously powerful experience for me. Set up using traditional Mayan methods, groups of 5 of us went in at a time. I had been feeling a little nauseous all day, and as my turn approached to enter the lodge, I began to feel waves of nervousness that made my sensitive stomach churn...“I hope I don't hurl all over the lodge!” I thought to myself. A female Mayan elder lead the lodge, warmly ushering us inside. It was pitch black inside, and we felt our way to the stone seats. The heat was intense already – and that was before any water had been added to the hot stones. The Mayan elder invited us to meditate on what it was we desired to release. She then offered prayer and asked us to stand, one by one, so she could thrash us with a huge bundle of medicinal herbs holding great healing properties. Strangely, it did feel extremely healing...it literally felt like all the rubbish I needed to let go of was being beaten out of me. We then resumed our seats and she poured cold water over us all, before beginning pouring water over the hot coals.
The temperature inside the lodge began to rise. I held with great focus all that I longed to let go of, and all that I longed to invite in. My heart rate started racing with the increasing heat. I placed my head in my hands and surrendered to the sensations my body was experiencing...I felt sick, but the sensation was not coming from my stomach – it came from my heart. I started to wretch, but nothing was coming out. The motion was not coming from my stomach, but from my heart. It felt like I was shedding all of the negative emotions I had been storing in my heart not only from this lifetime, but from many lifetimes before. It was such an intense experience. I think we were in there for around 40 minutes in total before we were lovingly lead out, covered in blankets and lead to an area where we could lay down and decompress. I closed my eyes and breathing deeply I took my consciousness back inside my body. My heart felt open, pure, free from resentment, fear, hatred. I don't know how long I was laying for, but I felt in a state of tremendous peace. Eventually I felt ready to stand up and rejoin the world. I felt light, open.

We then took a short rickshaw ride to the site of the full moon ceremony. We were on a hillside overlooking the lake, and the full moon was shining brightly above us in the perfectly clear night sky. I was one of the last ones to arrive and everybody was already sitting in a big circle. I found Lucy and Isis and went to sit by them. The ceremony was absolutely beautiful, and quite emotional after the sweat lodge. During the ceremony, Don Manuel invited us all to share the smoking of the sacred native American Indian peace pipe. He told us to offer a heart-felt prayer before we smoked it. I prayed from my heart for the peace of all humankind, and as the pipe was passed to me, I started to cry. The tears came not from a place of sadness, but from a place of deep, deep gratitude. I knew that during the course of the evening I had healed a tremendous amount of past hurts – and by past, I mean from past lives.
In the days following the ceremony, I found myself feeling lethargic, heavy – and needing to sleep a lot. I craved heavy, sugary foods and indulged in chocolate, brownies and the variety of tremendously yummy food that San Marcos has to offer, throwing my normal nutritional considerations out of the window. Along with feelings of lethargy, I also began to feel frustrated. With what I still don't know – but the frustration was definitely there. Despite Lake Atitlan's indescribable beauty, the energy of the place had a strange effect on me...I felt trapped and penned-in there – restless but lethargic at the same time. We were surrounded by mountains and volcanoes – albeit very beautiful volcanoes, but we were essentially inside a massive crater...and I just don't think my energy reacted very positively to that. In the time between the full moon ceremony and new years eve...which was literally only a matter of days, I'd decided that I'd had enough of the spiritual bandwagon.

The rebel in me was craving a party, and ruthlessly rejecting the new years eve group ceremony that was on offer, I decided to go in completely the opposite direction, in search of the hedonistic party. But, no sooner had the party started, then I realised that no, that's not actually what I wanted, and a taxi back to San Marcos was quickly obtained. Sitting alone in mine and Lucy's little cabana, I had time to reflect on 'rebel Liz'. A chat with my amazing sister the following morning helped me make another realisation (and this one is going to make my parents laugh)...that decisions made from a place of rebellion tend to manifest situations that very rarely serve to benefit you. Lesson learnt - that's another aspect of Liz that can be left behind with the old year.

A couple of days later, Lucy, Isis, myself and the group set off for Mexico – to Palenque – home to some magnificent Mayan temples. Once lost to the lush tropical jungles, some of the ancient city has now been uncovered, although a proportion of it still lays hidden beneath the dense jungle. The scale of these ancient cities really is something to revel at. The grandeur of the temples, both in Palenque and at Tikal really are quite breathtaking. The stones are cut with such accuracy, the temples built with such precision – the ancient Mayan civilizations truly were genius creators. After exploring the ancient city, we scaled the main temple and absorbed the magnificent view...we could see down into the valley below us...and above us the mist was rising out of the jungle. Magical.

Whilst we were in Palenque, Don Manuel held a sweat lodge ceremony, during which he guided us all to heal our childhood hurts. I felt a massive healing take place surrounding my teenage years, and how some experiences of the time had taken their toll on my creativity. Don Manuel described it as having our creative fires snubbed out. He put it like this: remember when you were a child and had such big dreams? You felt you could achieve anything. Then along comes someone and says “no, you are just one person, you can't achieve all that, better just get yourself a normal job and forget about those dreams.” He told us, don't live in your past...use your past to learn lessons, but don't stay there. People who insist on living in their past simply can't move forward. He also urged us to not allow past experiences to prevent you from experiencing the present. Sounds simple doesn't it? But how many of us actually live like this? I remembered, and forgave, moments during my teenage years that had given rise to me doubting my power as a creator, causing me to lack the confidence to really express myself. We did work collectively to reignite those creative fires and I felt alive. We began singing spiritual shamanic songs as a group, then a few people started singing their own songs. I felt an overwhelming urge to sing, but simultaneously heard that voice in my head that told me I wasn't good enough. This time I didn't listen. With my eyes closed, I found myself singing my own rendition of You've Got The Love. I surprised myself with the voice that came out of me...I'd never heard it before. In letting go of all that insecurity I'd found a new voice – my voice. The group began joining in and I felt my heart literally jumping for joy. Had I at last managed to shake off the shackles of self-doubt that had stunted my creative expression for so long? Maybe...just maybe...

We didn't stay long in Palenque – it was humid and rained almost constantly. Of course, this did mean we were surrounded by gorgeously lush tropical jungle...but...the group was keen to move on to the beach - and after feeling soggy in the thick humidity almost constantly for three days, I have to say the idea of the beach sounded like heaven. We took a bus ride to Tulum – to one of the most beautiful beaches I can recall being on. White sand so fine it feels like flour, and the warm azure-blue Caribbean Sea. Paradisical. In vast contrast to the lake, here I feel free, expansive and at peace. I love being by the ocean – I feel so invigorated by the sound of the crashing waves and the vista of the open oceanic horizon. The quantity of stars you can see here at night literally takes your breath away. I heard the words “oh my God” come out of my mouth as the night sky met my vision. Never before had I seen so many stars. The sky was literally brimming. Utterly beautiful. I lay out on the beach, absorbing the cinema of the night sky to the sound of the ocean. Happy Liz. Very happy Liz.

I have come to realise that in addition to childhood hurts, my ego, or ego-based perceptions and desires, also pose considerable obstacles to my musical expression. During another healing ceremony I went into a deep meditation, contemplating ego, and sending out a prayer to free me of mine. After a few moments my consciousness was transported to a perspective that showed me the enormity and vastness of creation – my human form a tiny, unimaginably insignificant speck in comparison to all that was being presented in front of me. I felt so humble...a humility that rocked me to my core. Who am I to have an ego in the light of all this magnificent creation? My existence could be snuffed out in an instant and in the infinitely, incomprehensibly enormous scheme of creation it wouldn't matter a jot. There, take that ego. I now understood. Of course, as with everything in life, there is the other side to this, being that the very fact we exist at all is a total miracle – and we should treat life as exactly that.

Since it is so lovely here, Lucy and I have decided to remain in Tulum for a few days. The group is slowly disbanding and returning to their homes, but Don Manuel and a couple other people will remain for a few days longer. It will be interesting to be able to spend a little more time with him without the distraction of the group. Our next plan is to head up to Northern Mexico, to the Copper Canyon...a feat of nature four times the size of the Grand Canyon. We're just a little bit excited about that...